Written, directed, and produced by David Meadows


(We open with EPISODE SIX on stage, running through their set. We'll do a few cutting-edge sixties film effects: fast zoom in-and-out on the band, shaking the camera from side to side, blurring the focus, and all that cool stuff. Then the camera pulls back through the crowded club, over the heads of the local hip crowd grooving away in typical sixties fashion. Finally, it comes to rest at the back of the hall; still focused on the stage. And we hear:)

JON (voice-over): Not bad, eh?

THE VILLAIN IN BLACK (voice-over): Yes. He's just what we need.

(We cut to a reverse angle so we can see JON and TVIB, watching the band on stage.)

JON: Need? For what?

TVIB: For Deep Purple of course.

JON: But Rich, he's already in a band.

TVIB: Yeeessss... we'll have to see about that. Wait here.


(EPISODE SIX are leaving the club. We can see TVIB concealed in the darkness of the alley.)

ROGER: That was a great gig guys! We going out for a curry now? I'm buying!

IAN: You guys go and have fun, I'm going home to work on some songs.


(It's late at night and BIG IAN, NICK, and THE VILLAIN IN BLACK are walking side-by-side across Tower Bridge. (Note to American readers: that's the big, interesting one that you thought was called London Bridge.) TVIB is in the middle, between NICK and IAN. NICK is nearest the edge of the bridge (this becomes important later).)

IAN: Can you believe my whole band just got food poisoning last night? And the owner of that restaurant *claims* he saw someone sneaking around his kitchen!

TVIB: Ridiculous!

IAN: Luckily the doc says they will make a full recovery.

TVIB: good show. Yes, damn good show, jolly good for them.

IAN: Yeah, the doc says it looks like there was rat poison in the curry! Can you believe that?

NICK: That reminds me, Rich, do you know what happened to the rat poison we had at the flat? I couldn't find it anywhere this---Owwww!

(TVIB elbows NICK in the ribs.)

TVIB: Shut up Nick, I'm trying to talk business here.

IAN: Yeah Ritchie, what was it you wanted to talk to me about tonight, anyway?

TVIB: Well, you know Deep Purple are a happening band -- we're going places!

IAN: Yeah, that hit you had -- Hush? Pretty good, but I would have done it a bit different... maybe a cock crowing at the start...

TVIB: Brilliant! Isn't that a brilliant idea, Nick?

NICK (in some pain): a-huf a-huf

TVIB: Ian, I'm not one to beat around the bush. Our singer just walked out on us and---

NICK: Huh? You fired--- Owwwww!

TVIB: ...and I think you're the ideal replacement. We need you, you need us. What do you say?

IAN: Well gosh Ritchie, I'm flattered... I need to think it over of course...

TVIB: We have a groupie!

IAN: Ok, I'm in!

(He thinks for a while.)

IAN: But, there's one condition. I want my mate Roger to come with me.

NICK: He's your bass player? Sorry, man, I'm Deep Purple's bass player. We can't really have two, can we? Ha ha ha.

(We have a close-up of IAN's face while he delivers his next speech, so we can't actually see what NICK and TVIB are doing.)

IAN: I understand. You guys stick together. Band loyalty and all that. It's the same with me and Rog. We're best mates and I just can't abandon him. So I guess I have to turn the offer down. Ah well, c'est la vie, as my cunning linguist friend might say.

(While he is speaking, we hear "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" followed by a big splash. IAN suddenly stops and looks round. The camera pulls back, and we see TVIB and IAN are alone on the bridge.)

IAN: Hey, where's Nick?

TVIB: Oh, he had to drop out. Tell me more about Roger...

(TVIB links his arm through IAN's and they walk on over the bridge. The camera pulls back into a long shot, and the last words we hear are:)

TVIB: You know Ian, I feel this is just the start of a long friendship for you and I.... muahahahahahahahaha

FADE OUT to end caption: "THE... BEGINNING?"

Episode 5